


Seventy Percent Cocoa, Hundred Percent Bandit

by Nekopyo



Category: Prince of Persia (Video Game 2008)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-21
Updated: 2011-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-27 17:10:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/298118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nekopyo/pseuds/Nekopyo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Patience brings its own rewards.”<br/>“So does walking into a harem covered in chocolate.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seventy Percent Cocoa, Hundred Percent Bandit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ancalime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ancalime/gifts).



> Special Thanks to to [Miarr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Miarr), for beta'ing the story.

 

It took him a moment to notice Elika was no longer walking alongside him. She was standing behind him, hands crossed and head tilted to the side. Her expression was one he privately called ‘disapproving puzzlement’. He saw that one often.

“You didn’t actually do that.” She said, but he could almost hear a question mark at the end of the sentence.

“Didn’t actually do what?”

“Walk into a harem covered in chocolate.”

“Oh, you know about harems? Do you have them here?” He smirked. “Only, I didn’t see any on the way. Maybe we could take a little detour?”

The look she gave him was so cold he could have used it to chill wine. “We didn’t have harems, but we had libraries. I know what they are.” Elika leaned against the cave wall and brushed an errant strand of hair from her eyes. “Anyways, don’t change the subject.”

Before answering, he looked around. The caves they were in would eventually lead to the Royal Gardens, but for the moment there was no sign of Corruption, so this was as good a place for a rest as any. “Well, I’ll tell you about it, but you’d better sit down first. You’re in for quite a story.”

Elika didn’t look convinced, but she sat down all the same. He eased himself down next to her.

“Now, many years ago, our charming hero – that’s me, by the way – was trying to steal the fabled Jewel of Zal from the evil Sultan Jamshid. The evil Sultan kept the Jewel hidden away, deep within his palace.

“I’d already managed to sneak my way into the palace, and even avoid the guards on my way to the Sultan’s treasure room. I was just thinking that things were going almost _too_ smoothly, when suddenly—”

 

* * *

 

_Good. He’d already managed to sneak his way into the Sultan’s palace, and even avoid the guards on his way to the Sultan’s treasure room. In just a few moments the priceless Jewel of Zal would be in sight._

_It was almost unbelievable how smoothly this heist progressed. In fact, it almost seemed as though everything was going_ too _smoothly. He smirked to himself as he rounded the last corner, and there—_

* * *

“Hold on,” Elika interjected, “I thought you said you only stole things from tombs and crypts! You didn’t tell me you ransacked palaces!”

He shrugged. “Well, it was a long time ago. Besides, the man was called the _evil_ Sultan. I’ll have you know Jamshid had a very fearsome reputation.”

Elika still looked skeptical, but she offered no further complaint. He cleared his throat. “Now, where was I?”

 

* * *

 

_Good. He’d already managed to sneak his way into the Sultan’s palace, and even avoid the guards on his way to the Sultan’s treasure room. In just a few moments the priceless Jewel of Zal would be in sight._

_It was almost unbelievable how smoothly this heist progressed. In fact, it almost seemed as though everything was going_ too _smoothly. He smirked to himself as he rounded the last corner, and there stood his prize._

_The fabled Jewel of Zal was a gemstone almost the size of his fist. It stood on a golden pedestal, surrounded by piles of gold and gold-ish ornaments. Torchlight from the back of the room shone through the gem, casting deep red beams of light on the mountain of wealth inside the room._

_For a moment, he couldn’t move. The amount of glinting in the room was tantalizing: he almost felt spoilt for choice. It was unfortunate that he didn’t have any way to carry some of the gold away – he’ll have to settle for the gem he came in for. ‘Next time I break into a treasure room, I’m bringing along a donkey.’_

_He picked up the Jewel, marveling at the way the light broke on its facets, when someone coughed politely behind him. He whirled around to see a guard standing at the doorway. The guard was so tall that his helmet scraped the threshold, and though he was wearing a friendly smile, he was also holding a decidedly un-friendly spear._

_‘You should put that back,’ said the talking mountain, though the point of his spear made it clear it wasn’t a request._

_He smiled, tightening his grip on the Jewel. Fortunately, the room had a small alcove on the wall behind him, so it wasn’t as thought the spear-wielding giant blocked his only escape. He used his toe to nudge a large gold plate near his feet, judging weight and distance, before drawing his leg sharply back –_

* * *

“— and down, kicking the plate straight at the ugly thug in front of me. By the time he recovered, I was already through the inner window, running down the hallway outside.”

He was getting into the story, and he could see Elika was interested in spite of her previous complaints. He was using his hands to gesture and mime, and even throwing his voice when it was appropriate.  

“Now, I kept my cool, even when more guards showed up to chase me, because I had a plan, and I knew exactly where I had to go. What I did is…”

 

* * *

 

_He really should have thought of a plan beforehand. Maybe if he had he wouldn’t have been running blindly through the palace._

_Right now, he was just thankful that no other guards had turned up._

_He ran through corridors, turning at random in an attempt to break his pursuer’s line of sight. There seemed to be some sort of large hall opening in front of him, and hopefully he’d be able hide behind something long enough to lose his pointy-tipped companion._

_The hall turned out to be a wide, circular foyer. Apart from the corridor he used to come in, there were several other doorways, covered in gauzy drapes of some expensive fabric. This room was perfect for hiding in, while his pursuer went off to search one of the inner corridors._

_Unfortunately, the room was disappointingly devoid of good hiding places. There were two large tables – laden with food that made the back of his mouth water – but they were too tall to hide under, and too thin to hide behind. Aside from them, most of the room was taken up by a huge fountain, filled with something thick and brown. It didn’t look like water he’d dare to drink. He hoped the people in the palace didn’t drink from it, for their sake._

_The only problem was, the fountain was the only decent hiding place in the room. He peered at the murky liquid within, asking himself if he was really desperate enough to dive in._

_Then he heard the heavy trumping of armored feet in the hallway outside._

_Ah._

_Damn._

* * *

“You hid inside a fountain filled with _Chocolate_?”

If it were anyone beside Elika, he’d have said they were utterly flabbergasted. Elika only seemed puzzled, and a little disapproving. She proved to be a woman who was very difficult to flabber. Or gast. It was oddly… appealing.

“Well… It was there.” He said winsomely. Not _too_ winsomely, though. He didn’t want to be too forward.

She looked at him as though he was dense. “I’ve only tasted chocolate three times in my entire life! The merchants who brought it to here had said it was shipped in from across the world. A plateful could cost as much as a trained elephant! You… You _swam_ in it!?”

He shrugged, “Yeah, that’s what she said, too. For the record, it’s not an experience I’d recommend.”

Elika blinked in surprise. “That’s what _who_ said?”

“Well, I was just getting to that…”

 

* * *

 

_He held his breath as long as he could, covered in the murky sludge of the fountain. Whatever that muck was, it was much too thick to see, or even hear through. The only thing he could do was pinch his nose wait until his lungs started burning._

_He’d just broken through the surface, spluttering for breath and trying to wipe the gunk from his face, when he’d heard someone in the room gasp. Then the gasp turned into a chuckle._

_A pleasant, contralto chuckle; not burly-spear-carrying-man chuckle. That was good, right? He tried to open his eyes._

_There was a woman, standing at the far doorway. She was clothed in rich and intricate – and yet not very opaque – fabrics. She leaned against the columns lining the doorway; her head slightly tilted, so that her long black hair almost reached her arms, crossed in front of her chest._

_‘It’s not that I don’t commend your originality,’ she told him dryly, ‘but even if you heard women love sweets, I still think this is excessive.’_

_‘Er,’ He wasn’t sure how to respond. She looked at him like a drowned rat. Granted, he probably did look like one – gods, he_ felt _like one! Whatever that muck he was in, it was_ sticky _._

_‘Do you know,’ the mystery woman continued, ‘the Sultan thinks of that chocolate fountain as his pride and joy. It’s said to be shipped from across the whole world. I heard one plate of it can cost as much as a trained elephant.’_

_He tried to wipe some more of the… chocolate… away from his face. ‘Really? Sounds like a waste of gold to me. Incidentally, I wouldn’t swim in it if I were you.’_

_She flashed her teeth. ‘The Sarāy_ _isn’t really a place for swimming, dear.’_

_‘The, um?’_

_‘It means harem.’_

_‘Oh.’ He smiled._

_Wait._

_‘Oh.’_

* * *

“Let me guess, you charmed the Sultan’s concubine and eloped into the sunset?” Elika was trying to keep her face deadpan, but he could see the smile she was trying to fight down.

He held up his hands, “Hey, I swear it’s all true. I flashed my smile at her, she batted her lashes, and I talked her into helping me escape. We didn’t elope, though.”

“Of course. The famous smile.” Elika wasn’t even trying to cover hers now, though.

“I’ll have you know women have called my smile positively _winsome_.” He said, huffing out his chest in mock indignation. “Anyways, as I was saying…”

 

* * *

 

_While he was still trying to figure out what to say next, the concubine – was it alright to call her a concubine just because this was a harem? – came closer, standing near the base of the fountain._

_‘Let me guess.’ She said, looking him up and, since he still was mired in chocolate, mostly down. ‘You’re the thief that has the guards in such an uproar, aren’t you?’_

_‘Well,’ he flashed his most charming smile, ‘what if I said I was?’_

_He wasn’t worried. His smile was_ winsome _._

_She gave him a long, flat look. ‘Listen, I feel a little sorry for you, so if you give me the Jewel right now, I’ll help you escape from the palace.’_

_He opened his mouth, and she held up a delicate figure. ‘And in case you still have any dreams about running away, shall I remind you I only have to scream to have four dozen guards come here?’_

_He wasn’t ready to give up on the smile just yet. ‘Well, I managed to slip away from them before, I could do it again, you know.’_

_‘Really?’ She sounded amused. ‘Covered in chocolate?’_

_Now that she brought it up, the stuff_ was _beginning to harden. Worse, it was beginning to_ itch _. He put both hands on the fountain rim, and heaved himself up and away from the sticky mess._

_Then he tried to heave himself up again._

_‘So,’ he said, trying to keep his face as innocent as he could, ‘about that Jewel you wanted…’_

* * *

_It took almost two hours to navigate through the hallways of the harem, to a small canal that drained under the outer walls to the port beyond. In part, it took so long because they had to avoid the guards and eunuchs looking for him, but mostly because it was really hard to walk when you’re covered in drying chocolate._

_He was huddled, hidden in the bushes of an opulent garden, while the concubine deftly unlocked the canal grate. He tried to scratch more of the crumbling mess away from his face, and wiped his brow with one of the scarves._

_Oh, yes, the scarves. During his brave escape, there was a particularly close call when an eunuch nearly cornered them in the Dressing Chambers. She shoved him wildly into a pile of discarded clothes, and the gods-damned chocolate stuck to them. So, now he was covered in scarves of bright orange and blue, trailing silk and flakes of chocolate as he walked._

_‘Er, about these…’ He held up the aforementioned garments, but the concubine took one look at him and shook her head._

_‘It’s fine. Keep them.’ She gave the lock a final twist, and swung the grate open._

_He crept gratefully towards freedom, and hopefully some water to wash himself in, when she took hold of one of the scarves to stop him._

_‘A last word of advice, dear: In the future, you might want to wait until people die before you try to rob them. I’m sure it’s much simpler.’_

_And then she was gone, walking hurriedly back towards the palace interior. For a moment, though, he saw a small flash of red light from between her fingers, reflecting off a large gemstone, almost the size of his fist._

* * *

“…And as she promised me her eternal love, I gave her back the wondrous Jewel, so that she would not be punished by the evil Sultan.” He finished.

He turned towards Elika. “So, what do you think?”

Elika pushed herself back up, brushing the dust from her clothes. “I think,” she said somberly “that you are the most boastful, pompous man I have ever known.”

He got up as well. “Maybe, but I’m also the most interesting, right?”

She opened her mouth to retort. Then she closed it again. Eventually, she settled for giving him a glare, and muttering about wasting enough time.

Well, that counted as a win in his book.


End file.
